The depression is real

I am not even kidding. 

On new year eve, I was asked,

"Why do you like drinking so much?"

I said, "because it makes me happy, haha"

and then he said,

"Why? are you not happy now?"

It hits me, it hits me hard.

I shouldn't be sad, why would I?

I have my friends, family and my other half who loves me so much

I have everything that I needed.

Growing up, I never have to worry about not having a place to stay, not having enough food to eat.

My parents have given me the best that they could offer.

When I was younger, I didn't appreciate much but as I grew older I understand.

Meeting my current boyfriend wasn't part of my plan. 

In fact, I never have anything planned in my life.

He loves me, I never have doubted that. He really does.

He is the apple of my eye.

I love him too, more than anything in the world. 

and I find it bittersweet because he has given me something to lose.

The love is real, but the pain is real too.

But you know, if you really love someone, you'll open up your heart.

Sometimes, I wish he wouldn't have keeping secrets from me.

But he can never do that and it breaks my heart.

Ouch.

---------

He has a dream and he's chasing it.

Which I admire so much.

Having the courage to do what you've been dreaming regardless of what other people say.

and then the reality hits.

I was talking to my dad today.

He asked me about this boy that I adore so much.

"Does he have a plan for the future?"

I didn't answer that because I really don't know. 

Are we gonna have a future together despite our financial situation?

What if it doesn't work out? 

What if I'm never part of the plan?

The love is real, and the reality is real too.

At the end of the day,

it's only me, myself.

here, alone.

This is a beautiful dream, but I think it's time to wake up.

and that.

is really tearing me apart.

Ouch.

食慾 不見了

找不回 對食物的那份熱情

被壓抑的食慾 也漸漸消失

食慾 不見了？

身體 怎麼了？

也許 是時候跟那微胖的身體 說聲再見

找不回 那晶瑩剔透 那水嫩嫩的

在窩里 蠢蠢慾睡 也不是辦法

臉蛋 怎麼了 

歲月 逃不了

這身軀好像不再屬於我了

拖著 拖著 也真的好累

但也不願意 讓別人知道

別再問我 過的怎麼樣

就讓我在這 歇一歇吧

Niagara Falls, NY

For generations, the majestic beauty and humbling power of the Niagara Falls has fostered a sense of awe and wonder. They are the largest waterfalls in North America and the second largest waterfalls in the world after Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe, Africa.

That was my first trip once I'd settled down in the states. This 2 days 1 night trip was organized by our employer which costed me $160 (includes transportation and hotel only). I still remember that was my first 9 hours bus ride, departing from Wildwood. Also, a pain in the ass, literally.

Needless to say, Cave of the winds is a must-go place, of course, if you want a better view of the fall like this:

Good thing if you travelled in group you will get some discount. I remember we took a tour package if I am not mistaken.

The next thing is, The Maid of the Mist tour.

Well, this is also something that you must go for. I will show you some pictures and you will know why.

That shot, priceless.

That man behind me, why do you have to photo bomb? Don't chu know that I'm tourist too~

Well, as for this 4D Adventure, I highly recommend that you should just skip it instead.

Next stop would be the Whirl Pool State Park.

Too much photographs for this posts, I should end this with a photo of Niagara Falls taken at night.

Looking back at the old photographs really makes me wanna travel again.

I had just realized how much I have changed physically and mentally.

Summer 2011, Niagara Falls, USA.

xoxo

Jin signing off.

The Complete WORST CASE SCENARIO survival handbook.

Missing the wonderlust life badly.

I need more adventure in my life.

If I made it alive, I will have hell lots of story to tell.

I stumble across this really inspiring video the other day 

featuring the voice of Alan Watts (1915 - 1973), a british philosopher,

talking about

What would you like to do with your life if money was no object?

Better to have a short life that is full of which you like doing then a long life spent in a miserable way - Alan Watts

what do I desire most?

 I'm still looking for an answer.

and I figured, 

I can live without designer handbags,

I can live without love (as in boy and girl fallin' in love kind of shit)

but I can't live without happiness.

That's not a very solid answer,

in the end I realized, it's not that easy.

and you know what?

This is life, my friend.

LIFE.

fuck yeah.

Jin here, 

signing off with love,

xoxo.

What am I doing?

I want to live a life like there's no tomorrow.

It sounded as easy as it seems to be.

The truth is, it isn't.

Keep asking myself the same old question everyday.

What am I doing,

What am I doing,

What am I doing,

What am I doing,

What am I doing,

What am I doing,

What am I doing,

....

I think I am a little bit too greedy,

I wanna do this

I wanna do that,
I ended up doing nothing.

I can't afford to do that anymore.

For this day onwards, I'll promise myself that I will achieve something.

and I will record it down to keep track.
Dear readers, If you hear me, let's do this together.

The clock is ticking,

my time is running out.

Time. My biggest enemy.

Bucket list checked off: Skydiving

Last Summer was beautiful. 

I went to Russia and have a little adventure of my own.

Never in my life, I feel so alive.

But then again, I felt it.

Last Summer was beautiful because of Russia.

Wildwood, New Jersey

I have a love-hate relationship with this place.

On the first week I was there was

HOLY SHIT.WHY? 
Every-freaking-night

you either heard some gunshots or 

the sound of some motherfucker's car screeched around the corner at top speed or

some suckers living upstairs (we rented some rooms in the basement) blasting all sorts of party and rap music.

It was like the fast and the furious.

Oh America, just like the movies.

That's the place. 

Oh yeah, I'm glad that I am still alive.

That wasn't the worst part.

So, me and my friends, we decided to move.

few blocks up to a more peaceful area.

Everything seemed to be alright in the first place, 

until we figured out that something bit us in the night,

every morning, there were some unknown bug bites all around our bodies

and it was itchy.

My nightmare begins...

Sooner or later, we found out that it was the bed bugs.

It was the first time in my life to see those small evil creatures

...

FYI,
Bed bugs are parasitic insects of the cimicid family that feed exclusively on blood. The term most commonly refers to members of the genus Cimex of which Cimex lectularius, the common bed bug, is the best known as it prefers to feed on human blood although other Cimex species are specialized to other animals, e.g., bat bugs, Cimex pipistrelli (Europe), Cimex pilosellus (western US), and Cimex adjunctus (entire eastern US).

- Wikipedia, 2013.

I don't wanna put any photo of bed bug here because it's really disgusting, try google it yourself if you do not have any idea how they look like.

So the problem was, 

I had already paid the rental deposit and had signed the tenancy agreement.

If I move to another place, I wouldn't get back the rental deposit.

So, not much of a choice. I was really lucky to have this friend of mine who has been taken really good care of me. He had bought some bug spray, he told me that I am allowed to use his.

I don't really remember how the hell I got through all these shit.

But there was this one day,

I couldn't take it anymore, 

the humiliation, the stress, the heat..

I decided to talk to the land-lady regarding this issue.

I actually called CIEE regarding this problem and they told me that there's nothing much they can do since I had already signed the document.

After all the hassle, turned up that I got myself a new room.

Things seemed to get better from then on.

Weird..

Wildwood in summer 2011.

xoxo,

Jin signing off.

P/s. Not sure if I have any readers, but do let me know if you wanna know more about Wildwood.

My Working experience in America

So, I was a Guest Services Representative at Raging Waters Waterpark,
which is part of Morey's Piers from June till early September.

Morey's Piers is a family owned resort and entertainment company,
located on the southern New Jersey coastline,
they operate three amusement piers and two waterparks,
with over 150 attractions, serving over 3.5 million guests each year.

Sounds fun huh? Let me tell you my stories.
As an admission personnel, it was not the initial position that I was applying for,
I was actually more interested on being a ride operator instead.
However, during the job interview in Malaysia,
they decided to put me at the water park because they said that I speak good english.

They told me,
"No worries, you will have a lot of fun"

FUN?

First week of work was basically LABOUR WORK.

Scrubbing, Cleaning, Sweeping...
under the sun.

THE SUN.
THE FREAKING SUN.

I guess that was my own personal problem as I was born
in a place where there's a lot of sun,
a place where 365 days, all year long, summer.

I HATE THE SUN.

However, the sun wasn't really a problem.
At some point of time, I think I could understand what immigrant feels.

Sometimes while you are walking to work,
some people actually staring at me as if I was some kind of freak
and they said stuff like,

"I know why you are here because your country is not doing as good as ours."

I just smiled.
and I thought,

I had a better life back home, you idiot.


Also, they practice job rotation in the waterpark.
There are 5 spots:

• Wrist banding  : putting the wrist bands on the customers' hands.
• Entrence          : make sure every customer scans their wrist band on the scanner.
• Bag Check      : literally checking guests' bags in case they have guns, knife or any                                     other dangerous weapons. Just kidding, alcohols and any glass-made                             containers are not allow AKA THE WORST SPOT EVER.
• Locker              : Collect money from the guests if they need to rent a locker or to buy                                   some stuff such as sunscreen, Paranol, tampons.
• Exit                  : greet the customers and cut their wrist bands off.

Basically,
we need to do a job rotation every hour,
which means that we need to move on to the next stop after an hour's time.

The problem is...

THE ROTATION ALWAYS MESSED UP.

ALWAYS.

and sometimes you got stuck in this spot, I called it the "worst spot" forever.

Some guests found it offensive when they were told that their bags had to be checked.

"Excuse me sir, may I check your bag please"

"Fuh, what? Are you Kidding me? 
Do I look like a terrorist to you?"

and then you have to explain,
"I just wanna make sure that there's no glass and alcohol inside.

because when a glass breaks it shatters, people with their foot bare might stepped on it so..."

and when the heat waves came, temperature rose up to 40°c
I was once stuck in this bag check spot for more than 2 hours.
3000 guests visited, they were all grumpy as the queue was long.

I was all alone in this spot, the situation kinda went outta control.

People yelling at me, saying that I couldn't speak English
and I have to apologize for checking their bags.
 Some people have really bad attitude,
they just threw their bags on the floor,
and you have to check them one by one and picked them up for the customers
with a smile on your face.

Didn't even have the time to get a sip of water. I couldn't take it.
I started to feel dizzy, and I lost my consciousness...

I was dehydrated, I had never fainted in my whole life before that.
Well, at least I was taken care of, I was sent to the first aid room.

Besides, the contract stated that the minimum hours you got is 35 hours per week,
problem is, they hired too many people, maximum working hours that I get is 42 hours and it only happened once. Looking for a second job wasn't easy, I had this feeling that people there prefer not to hire asians. Sometimes, after I deducted the rental and the expenses for food, really, there wasn't much left.

Also, my manager is an asshole, I had a feeling that she didn't really like me.
While everyone was given a chance to work at the counter, I didn't.
Hence, I decided to speak up. I asked my supervisor, the reason WHY.

Ended up that the next few days I finally got to work under the shelter, at the counter.
Oh well, it only lasted for a few days.


After that, I did not even bother. I am so sick and tired of everything.
A lot of shit happened, I figured that if I won't stop writing this post might never ends.


Oh well,
What I enjoy the most was the time that me and my friends, we get to gossip and talking about how bad this place was.
Also, I had made a lot of good friends from all over the world that I'll never forget.

Ask me once, did I regret going to this place,
No, I do not.


P/S. Not all americans are asshole, I have met good people too!

xoxo,
Jin.

My American Experience.

Okay, I actually blogged about part of my american experience before, 

but this genius here (me) had decided to delete all her previous posts and

she had already done it. Hence, I am here to share it once again.

So, what was I doing in America again?

I joined CIEE Work and Travel in USA summer program in the year 2011.

I was working as an admission personnel in a water park,

 in this place called Wildwood in New Jersey.

Well, because all the bad things that had happened to me too often that it sort of blinded me from seeing all the good things around me. So, I couldn't say that it was all bad 

but.....

I do not really like that place. 

like, if you ask me, "Will you ever visit that place again?"

Without a single thought, 

without any hesitation,

I am 100% sure that I will say,

HELL NO.

#1. Americans are racist... 

ok not all but most of them.

not to mention the whole 

CHING CHONG LING LONG PING PONG 

thing

but I got this a lot:

"Welcome to America, speak English"

a blonde woman said that to me

"Hey, cook me my Chinese food"

a black guy said that to me.

So what now?

you want me to teach you how to use the chopsticks?

#2. Americans do not know where Malaysia is.... ok maybe not all of them.

First of all,

Konichiwa is Japanese not Chinese
They never figure it out before telling me to go back to China.

I was like, but umm, I'm Malaysian.

Where's Malaysia?

Here's the problem.

Yes  I do know how to speak Chinese,

and Yes I'm a Chinese

But I'm Malaysian Chinese.

I represent Malaysia, not China.

It's true that I have a very confusing nationality.

Somehow, from what I see, Americans they think that all Asians come from China.

#3. America. Just like the movies.

They drink. and they party hard.

16 years old if you are still a virgin.

Damn there must be something wrong with you.

Not much comment on that. It's a free country yo!

Wildwood, New Jersey. Year:2011

America also made me fat and tanned.

P/s. This post was written based on my experience in Wildwood, New Jersey.

Stay tuned for my next post: My working experience in America.

xoxo,

Jin signing off.

Facts about Russia!

As you know, I am always a traveller - wannabe.

and now I'm in MOTHER RUSSIA!

No, not Moscow, not St Petersburg but Krasnoyarsk.

So people have been asking 

Why? Why Krasnoyarsk?

and my answer is

WHY NOT?

It's Siberia baby!

I had never love a country this much!

Yes, I am falling in love with Russia.

So here are some fun facts about Russia, which are
based on my own personal experience.

Fact #1 Russians do not enjoy eating.
Ok, first of all, they don't eat.
You hardly see them eating, and I am always hungry. 
Sometimes, I just went into some random store to get some food.
In Russia, you eat because you need food to keep you alive!

Nope, I'm not done yet. 
Also, 
Russians they eat so fast. When I say fast, it's really fast.
So on my first day at the camp...
I got my food, found a spot in the dining hall, 
I sat down, had a bite on my food and SUDDENLY,
the kids, standing up, taking their dirty dishes to the kitchen.
*POOF* and disappeared.

I was like WOAH, what on earth is going on?

so I asked my russian friend about it and he said,
"Eating too much is a sin."

and then I thought about my friends in Malaysia, one of them eat 7 meals per day.
Waoh, how sinful is he.

Fact #2 You never know how Russian drivers drive.

Russians told me that there are only 2 problems in Russia:
1. The roads
2. The people

Haha, I burst into laughter when I heard that. 
I was amazed when I figured that the driver's seat in certain cars are on the right 
and some are on the left. 
WOAH, mind blowing isn't it.
ONLY IN RUSSIA

and so I asked one of the Russians, HOW COME?
He said,
"It's because of these Japanese trash!"
[The driver's seat in the Japanese cars are on the right]

and I said, "Oh so you guys are following the Americans huh?"

"NO, no no, the americans are following us!", he replied.

I couldn't help it, I was laughing all the while.

"Look at this Russian shit, they always break down." 
My Russian AIESEC buddy told me how bad the Russian cars are 
and I wonder if they would feel better if they see our Malaysian cars.
HAHAHAHA

So I have concluded that, in mother Russia:
1.The driver's seat can be on the left and right.
2.They have Japanese trash and also Russian shit.
3. No comments about the road. 

Fact #3 Russians like to walk.
So, Russia is largest country in the world.
The definition of the word "near" or the word "close" is very different here.
When a Russian says, "oh it's just nearby" or "it's near"
ask them, "what's the distance?"

They probably gonna surprise you with something like, "oh, it's just 7km away."

Well, a lot of interns from other countries are actually complaining about it.
However, personally, I don't mind walking, 
if I have the time why not?
and it's good for your health.
Also, I enjoy the weather here, 
the summer here has perfect temperature for me!


Fact #4 Russians' tolerance level for cold is beyond god's light.
I am here for AIESEC Global Community Developing Project, so I got to teach in a summer camp which is situated in Olkhon Island, Baikal, the world's deepest lake.
I will do another post about it.
So it's 18 hours train from Krasnoyarsk to Irkutsk,
and another 6 hours bus ride to Olkhon Park  (Ольхон-Парк)

I had a dipped in the lake. 
The water is freezing! FREEZING.

and the russian kids said, "No, it's warm."

MOTHER OF GOD
They are all trained for it.

Fact #5 Russians can be really crazy, sometimes...
Do not mess with them.
Well, this seems a little bit unfair, because crazy people are actually everywhere.

Fact # 6 Russians like to wink
A LOT

I was like are you okay??
Is there something wrong with your eyes?



That's all folks! xoxo, 
Jin, signing off 

The wanderlust life

Alone, I travelled, 
to a foreign place,

where the language I cannot speak,

I meet people, wonderful people from all over the world

with different accents,

Listening to the stories they tell.

and I'd realised

Life is so much more but what can I do?

" The world is a book,
and those who do not travel read only a page"
- Saint Augustine 

Here I am, breathing while my heart's beating.
It is so wonderful to be alive.
no, no doubt at all.

My Malaysian Dad.

Have you ever read this book with the title

Sh*t My Dad Says by Justin Halpern ?
I have to say it is a really nice book to read,
Justin's dad really do say a lot of shit, 
BUT
good shit 
wisdom shit
which actually make sense.

Well, I'm not trying to compare dads, don't get me wrong. 
My dad does take good care of me and he will always try to give me what he thinks the best.

My dad's great. I know.

Yeah and he says a lot of shit.
When I say shit, it means shit.
Real Shit.

Shit like, ohh do you know the sun rises in the east, sets in the west?

Dad,
Wow? Really?
Also,
The sun does not move,
The earth rotates!!


P/s: anyway I still love my dad.

Rule No 1: Mommy is Always right.

Did I ever tell you this rule in my family?

Yeah. This rule.

Rule No 1:

MOMMY IS ALWAYS RIGHT

If mommy is wrong refer to rule no.1
end of story.

You cannot argue,

You cannot speak,

You cannot debate.

Whenever she tells you to do something,

you follow, 

you listen, 

you do what she wants you to do.

So, my to-do-list will always be:

1. Do what mom says.

Since daddy will also listens to mommy most of the time,

Hence, in the end, my to-do list will become:

1. Do what daddy and mommy say.

and you know what?

I'm fucking 22 this year.

and Taylor Swift sings, 
I don't know about you, but I'm feeling twenty-two 

Well, 22 doesn't really sound good to me.

I am never a good writer, never.

I don't know why, but I have decided to write again.

Probably because I need a distraction, just to clear my mind.

I have to admit that I must have changed a lot, when I say a lot,

It's really A LOT.

from a social phobia aka anti-social freak to a socially hyperactive chatterbox. 

OK, Maybe not, I am just over-exaggerating stuff but that transition was not easy.

Wait a minute, 

it seems to be a little off topic, sorry there are too many things in my mind.

Just-so-you-know or if-you-have-realized

I had deleted all my previous posts here, and yes, you may ask, 

why not getting a new blog instead?

Good question! My answer will be ohh, I have decided not to, 

as an economist to-be, 

but my friend would correct it as an economist wannabe,

I JUST DON'T SEE THE POINT.

Just because you are sick of your old stuff, abandone it and getting a new one doesn't really seems right. Yeah, someone else might need the stupid domain name:

Iamnobody-whoareu.blogspot.com

LAME.

Really, lame.

I was once young and naive, thinking that it would be a really cool blog address.

I am Nobody - Wow that's emo and badass.

NAH. NOT TURE.

It is actually a poem written by Emily Dickinson. So don't get me wrong.

GOD DAMIT, I'm off topic again.

Ok, here it goes, I started writing so that my English will not deteriorate.

See, what the hell am I trying to say in the first place,

I'm easily distracted.

TeeHee.

xoxo

P/s. I'm getting a Tumblr!