The depression is real

I am not even kidding. 

On new year eve, I was asked,

"Why do you like drinking so much?"

I said, "because it makes me happy, haha"

and then he said,

"Why? are you not happy now?"

It hits me, it hits me hard.

I shouldn't be sad, why would I?

I have my friends, family and my other half who loves me so much

I have everything that I needed.

Growing up, I never have to worry about not having a place to stay, not having enough food to eat.

My parents have given me the best that they could offer.

When I was younger, I didn't appreciate much but as I grew older I understand.

Meeting my current boyfriend wasn't part of my plan. 

In fact, I never have anything planned in my life.

He loves me, I never have doubted that. He really does.

He is the apple of my eye.

I love him too, more than anything in the world. 

and I find it bittersweet because he has given me something to lose.

The love is real, but the pain is real too.

But you know, if you really love someone, you'll open up your heart.

Sometimes, I wish he wouldn't have keeping secrets from me.

But he can never do that and it breaks my heart.

Ouch.

---------

He has a dream and he's chasing it.

Which I admire so much.

Having the courage to do what you've been dreaming regardless of what other people say.

and then the reality hits.

I was talking to my dad today.

He asked me about this boy that I adore so much.

"Does he have a plan for the future?"

I didn't answer that because I really don't know. 

Are we gonna have a future together despite our financial situation?

What if it doesn't work out? 

What if I'm never part of the plan?

The love is real, and the reality is real too.

At the end of the day,

it's only me, myself.

here, alone.

This is a beautiful dream, but I think it's time to wake up.

and that.

is really tearing me apart.

Ouch.